Shrink in the Kitchen

In just over a week, all Hell breaks loose: Valentine’s Day.  Hopes and expectations ride high on The Holiest Day of Love on the global calendar.

Will he?  Won’t he?  Will she?  Won’t she?

It’s been a tough year among couples, now ex-couples, I know: Sally and Bill, Ed and Maryann, Tim and Judy, Joey and Belinda, Frank and Emily–gone the way of the dinosaurs.  Once they roamed the earth, hand in hand.  Now: Mediation, separation, division of property.

I can see why, unfortunately.  In most cases, the kids are off to college.  The women prefer a good meal to good sex.  The men are like old bulls on the concrete ramp edging up to the abattoir, thinking, “One last hump before the stun gun hits me square in the forehead and I’m packaged into free-range, organic, humanely raised beef.”

Which brings us to the holiday menu.

I say order in, avoid the crowds in the restaurants, the overpriced menus, and the eye-rolling waitstaff.

Order online.

For meat, you can’t do better than: Savenor’s butcher shop.

Poultry: Dartagnan.

Fish: Browne Trading.

Don’t forget the dozen white roses.