Shrink in the Kitchen

Every February 2nd, in a happy and misguided way, residents of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania gather around a groundhog burrow.

If the groundhog emerges and sees its shadow, it is supposed to return to its burrow, which means: Six more weeks of winter.

If the groundhog fails to see its shadow, winter will end soon.

I say, let’s cut to the chase:

GROUNDHOG ON A BED OF RICE WITH PARSNIPS AND WINTER GREENS WITH BALSAMIC REDUCTION

After groundhog emerges from burrow, kill it humanely and organically.  Skin it, cut it into quarters, and remove organs.  Roll in flour, then two beaten eggs, and then fresh breadcrumbs.  Add salt and pepper.  Heat under high flame a half cup of organic canola oil.  When oil is sizzling, drop quarters in and fry until browned, which should take about four minutes on each side.  Place on brown paper bags to remove excess oil.  Pre-heat oven to 300.  Place groundhog in baking pan.  Surround with peeled parsnips, two sliced onions, and a few cloves of peeled, chopped garlic.  Adjust salt and pepper.  Place in oven for one hour.  Boil water for rice.  Add rice.  Cook.  Place cooked rice in a mound on plates.  Surround with arugula.  Dress arugula with extra virgin olive oil and fancy-schmancy balsamic vinegar.  Remove groundhog and parsnips from oven and place on boiled rice and arugula.  Adjust salt and pepper.  Serve hot.