Shrink in the Kitchen

This morning a video was released through Al-Jazeera showing a thin, but focused Osama Bin Laden.

“Al-Qeada claims credit for the high salt content in your restaurant food,” said bin Laden.  ”We will raise the rates of hypertension throughout America!  And Trans-fats?  That’s Al-Qeada again.  No one is safe.”

Last week bin Laden praised Noam Chomsky.  This week?

“Jim Skinner is my hero,” he said, referring to the man who helms McDonald’s.

The terrorist, speaking then in a raspy voice and becoming tangential, went on to list grievances.

“Support of your puppet state in Palestine?  Tip of the iceberg.   I speak for the oppressed when I say that Pringles are…what is that?  It’s not a potato chip.  It’s not even food.  Stop poisoning the youth of the developing world!  Coca-Cola: I say this to Muhtar Kent, CEO: We have the secret formula and, when we are ready, we will release it to the world and then everyone will be able to make Coca-Cola!  But this is nothing compared to our big action of 2010.  I cannot say more than this because I will not spoil the surprise: Let’s just say it involves commercially raised, corn fed chickens and beef.  You cannot stop us!  We have ways of making you fat…”