Shrink in the Kitchen

The Swiss vote yesterday to ban minarets, which will be written into their constitution, is a good start, a fine one, but it doesn’t go far enough.  If there is any hope to be garnered from a ban, food must be included.  Food is what we experience viscerally each day.  Certainly is it a chief way we define ourselves: our religious, national, and family identities.  For example: Kosher, Halal practices.  Fish on Friday.  The surrender of meat during Lent.  Or: French cooking, Italian pasta, Chinese spices, Indian spices, and raw Japanese fish.  Or: Grandma’s meatloaf.  A favorite aunt’s gravy.  A cookie from childhood.

So, that being the case, here are some foods that we could ban to create social change:

Brownies: Not all brownies, just the ones with walnuts.  These make a lot of disruptive noise during important meetings.  They are also associated with inherent violence in the heterosexual community.

Concord grapes.  Far too old-fashioned and flavorless.  Linked to the John Birch Society through John Welch.

Handballs.  Not technically a food item, but included out of r-e-s-p-e-c-t for dogs who often mistake them food and can choke on them and asphyxiate.

Egg Salad.  Note, not eggs, but just the unctuous, goopy stuff.  Linked to Aryan rights movements.